Chris Jones Says He’ll Pay For The $1.5 Million In Chicken Wings That A Woman Stole To Set Her Free From Her 9 Year Jail Sentence

Illinois school worker has been sentenced to 9 years in prison for stealing $1.5 million worth of chicken wings over the years 👀 pic.twitter.com/pQjTd0OrGT

— My Mixtapez (@mymixtapez) August 12, 2024

So this story took over the news cycle a few days ago, making its way everywhere from the Daily Mail to the Barstool Blog. I’m sure you’ve all seen it, but the way it goes is that a woman in Illinois was using her position in a school district to purchase chicken wings with covid funds…..then go pick them up in a white van….and drive them back to her house. Folks, this wasn’t a few dozen either. She ordered 11,000 cases of chicken. $1.5 MILLION worth. And for me, that’s where this story goes from cool to lame. If she was misusing funds to fund her own stomach because she loves chicken wings that much, I have no problem with it. Schools and companies misuse funds all the time. If she was tossing in a couple extra dozen here and there, cool. But when you’re talking about 11,000 cases, she was clearly reselling them to make money. That’s my take.

Here’s some of the math as to how much chicken she stole:

– Average cost per pound of chicken is $4.67.

– $1,500,000 / $4.67 = 321,199 pounds of chicken.

– 321,199 / 2000 = 160 TONS of chicken.

– The total weight of the Statue of Liberty is 140 tons

This lady stole more than the Statue of Liberty worth of chicken. That’s #NotGood. However Chris Jones, the 3x Super Bowl Champion defensive tackle for the Chiefs, sees otherwise. He wants to pay the $1,500,000 for her and get her off her 9 year jail sentence.

I’ll pay for the wings that she stole to get her free https://t.co/0mr1Bl9dWR

— Chris Jones (@StoneColdJones) August 13, 2024

Well, he’s got the money. Chris Jones is currently on a 5-year, $158,000,000 deal…..so this would just be a drop in the bucket for him. But someone needs to explain to this guy that she was legitimately stealing from poor kids that were supposed to be picking up lunches while schools were shut down for covid. Stealing from kids, schools, and taxpayers. I’ll get off my high horse in a second but maybe Chris Jones could pay $1.5 million for kids lunches instead? Plus, worse than the organized crime, she’s dumb! She got caught for running up an extra 300K once covid ended….plus she was ordering bone in wings. There’s not one school cafeteria on the planet that serves bone in chicken wings. Although it would be pretty fucking cool if they did….